Tuesday

It has been very cold for the past few nights.  I was going to stay in a shelter, but I thought I would see how I did before I put myself through that.  I was ok the first night.  I slept well as a matter of fact.  The second night not so much.  But, I will tell you the boots that I was given have been a godsend.  They really do keep my feet warm.  While they are still a little cold when I wake up they are not like blocks of ice they would have been had I had on my sneakers.  I should have put on one more layer on top and I think I would have been fine.

This is the last night in the twenties for a few days so I will be ok.  One night this week is supposed to be in the mid forties so that will be good.  I can deal with that easily.

I just really hate the shelters so I avoid them if at all possible.  I do have some good news, I have gotten a place to go to the bathroom easily in the mornings now.  So that is very helpful.  I was trying to avoid fluids past 9:30 so I wouldn't have to go so badly first thing in the morning.

I am still not faring well with internet access, but that is something that I will just learn to live without.  I have learned to live without many things for the past two years, so this is just one more.  I keep telling myself that this is almost over, and I can start to get my life back to some normalcy.  I am not sure what normal means for me anymore though.

I can't imagine that I will be the same person I was before this downward spiral started.  I hope that I have become more compassionate.  Not that I think that I wasn't before, but I did concentrate on my own life and didn't really pay attention to the rest of the world.  I hope that is something I won't revert back to.  I also hope that this diary of sorts has helped other people too.

I am not so sure that I have given much practical advice to others who are in a similar situation or feeling like it could happen to them if their finances don't improve soon.  The most practical advice I can give is to realize that not many people are going to help you, and be willing to accept it when it does come along.

I think admitting that you can't do it on your own is hard thing that becomes a barrier for people. You need to put your pride aside and accept it when people offer to help.  If someone wants to give you food, take it.  You may not know when it will come again.  If someone wants to help out with rent money, accept it.   But don't become bitter if that help is not forthcoming.

You can keep yourself clean when you are homeless, so do it.  You will feel better when your clothes and your body is clean.  It may not mean a full shower, but you can wash yourself in restrooms with soap.  Brush your teeth a few times a day too.  The last thing you need is to get a cavity or something.

Most importantly, realize that you are not alone.  When you take a look around you will find many other homeless too.  In a strange sort of way that will give you comfort.  It helps you feel less like a failure.

In the winter, wear plenty of layers.  Wear two or three lightweight shirts under a heavier sweater or sweatshirt, it really does help keep you warmer.  So does wearing sweatpants over your pants when you are trying to sleep.  That little extra will give you the warmth you need to fall asleep.  Once you are asleep, you will get heat from your body.

I did see that vet again.  He seems like a very nice man.  I dont' have any extra food this week, so I hope that he has been eating.  I usually give him my extra.  I have not seen that lady with the cleaning fetish in a long time.  I hope she is ok.  But a few other homeless have drifted into my sphere.  They all seem to have mental health problems.  I guess the medications must be pretty bad to them if they are homeless instead of taking their pills.  One of the women is pretty bold.  She just goes right up to people and tells them she is homeless and hungry or needs a ride.  She manages to get food that way.  I don't do that.  But I guess that is just not my personality.  So more power to her that she can be bold like that I guess.

But the happiest thing I can report is that I have not seen creepy guy in quite some time.  I am hoping that I never have to see him again.  My plan is for this be to over in about 6-10 weeks.  Here is hoping that I never run into him again.