Thursday, April 21, 2011


I found bananas for .19 each and naval oranges for .33 each.  I bought a quite a few.  I have a sweet tooth and cakes are just out of my price range at the moment.  Seriously, I saw a small cake in the grocery store the other day for $10 and it was tiny.  I can't spend money on things like that, so I have been using fruit to satisfy my craving for sweets.  In the past I use yogurt.  But that is another thing that is out of my price range.  While they are only about a dollar, but the containers have gotten so small of late that it just isn't worth spending the money on. 

I had a pretty good sales day again yesterday.  That made me happy.  Although my paycheck in two days is not even $300 for two weeks.  Who can possibly live on that?  A tank of gas is $45.  That was two weeks ago and the prices have gone up since then.  My membership to Costco is still good until August so I can get gas from there and save a couple of dollars on a full tank.  The one nice thing about the weather being warmer is that you can let the gas tank go almost all the way down.  In the winter that is a big problem. 

I am having allergy issues at the moment.  I get really bad ear aches.  My sinuses don't drain really so it goes into my ears.  They then become very painful.  I did splurge with what little money I have left on a generic over the counter allergy medication, but it isn't working as well as my regular prescription meds.  But they are way out of my price range at the moment. 

I still have not heard back from any of the applications I filled out last week.  I sent out more resumes today.  Jobs that I am wildly over-qualified for.  From what I understand companies don't really like hiring people who are over-qualified because they believe that as soon as the job market gets better you will leave for a better job and they have wasted the costs and time for the training that they gave you.  But, the jobs at my past level are just not out there.  I am more than happy to sign something saying I would stay for two years.  But, I guess they are not just willing to give me a shot. 

This Sunday is Easter and I am looking forward to sunrise services.  I just love Easter Service.  It is by far the best service of the year.  While I am getting closer and closer to the day of homelessness, the service will be very uplifting.  I have to keep telling myself that God is trying to teach me something.  Although I don't see too much that I could have done differently.  But, maybe this will make me more sympathetic to others and something very profound will come of this experience. 

I just hope that is not just wishful thinking.  But, at least I am trying to stay positive. 

Have a good day.

Monday, April 18, 2011


I am exhausted.  I spent another day filling out every job application that people were willing to give me.  I went to 13 different places, and sent out an additional 6 resumes for jobs I found online.  Still not one single call back.  It gets very discouraging.  The little cash I have is dwindling quickly.  I have about $500 left. 

Sadly, my car is making a noise that means that something is going wrong.  The car is old.  It is a 1999, but it does have low mileage.  Not even 110K.  It should last my at least a few more years as I don't put a great deal of mileage on it.  The most pressing matter with my car is that the registration is up at the end of June.  I am hoping that I will have enough money to get that taken care of.  The police are very aggressive about looking for outdated tags.  So driving it without proper tags is out of the question.  So then the dilemma becomes where do I keep it.  That is another thing they are very aggressive about here.  The car will towed in a heartbeat.  I will also need to get it inspected before I can get the registration straightened out. 

Gosh, life is very expensive and scary when you are broker than broke.  I figure something has to break my way soon.  The odds are for that.  After all I have had nothing but bad luck for the past two years.  First I lost my job, then my relationship came to an end, and since the housing market is so bad I can't sell my house.  I know that I shouldn't complain too much because at least I can rent it to pay all the bills on it.  I make a whopping $35 per month on it.  But it really hurt me tax wise that I had to claim that income.  But like I said many can't rent to cover their mortgage.  I actually refinanced just before I was laid off.  What a total blessing that was.  My payment went down almost $600 per month after that.  But, the down side was all the money I took out of the bank to cover the costs of it.  But in the end it all equaled out.  I am hoping that the rumors are true that the housing marketing is improving in my neck of the woods.  If so, I can sell and have some money to find a place to live.  Or even better find a job that pays what I was making to move back in myself.  I really love the place.  I put a great deal of effort into fixing the place to be my home. 

These are the things that I really shouldn't allow myself to think about. 

I have discovered that if you go to grocery stores in the middle of the day they have samples of stuff to eat.  While it isn't a complete meal, at least gives me some calories without costing me money.  I can't believe how bad my eating habits have had to become.  Eating well is another thing that is very expensive.  The cheaper things are processed and high in fat and sodium.  I can't really afford fresh veggies.  But I do buy bananas and apples. 

Well I am going to back to the job hunt.  I have another mall to hit tonight.  While that won't pay much, it is something.  I can take comfort in having a steady income and find a cheap roommate situation.  That is my plan for the evening. 

I am feeling blessed today because I am not as emotional as I was yesterday.  I spent the day packing and further preparing.  As unless some miracle happens I don't see anyway to avoid it. 

Have a good night.

Saturday, April 16, 2011


Today wasn't a bad day at work.  I actually had some decent sales so I will get a decent amount of money this Friday.  That is a relief.  I need to put gas in my car and buy some more supplies for upcoming adventure.  I call it an adventure just to try and stay positive about what I will be dealing with to come. 

I went and spoke to the state yesterday and it was not good news at all.  Housing is impossible to find.  They are not even putting people on a waiting list anymore.  They told me that they are still going through applications from as far back as 2006.  I find that very hard to believe.  Do they have one employee?  That is five years.  Is it any wonder that I feel that government is inefficient?  I mean the lady had no reason to lie to me, but my gosh it is hard to believe. 

I need to buy a cooler so I can keep a small amount of food in my car.  I can get bag of ice for $1.50 and I figure until it starts getting really hot that should last me for two days.  That way I don't have to buy everything prepared, as that is so much more expensive.  I can buy a small amount of cold cuts and make myself a sandwich.  I of course will have to buy very small amounts so I can eat it within a day.  I also have buy things that won't need to be cooked.  Although at my job they have a microwave so I can use that on the days that I work.  I can fill up water bottles, I kept about five or six them so I can keep something to drink in the cooler. 

I have gotten very good at stretching my food dollars since I have been out of work for the past two years.  I can make $20 worth of groceries go a long way.  But, the prices just keep going up and up as I am sure everyone else has noticed as well.  I also have found that an apple and a bottle of water can be filling; at least for a few hours.  The Super Wal-mart sells some produce at pretty good prices. 

Sometimes I get really depressed at what my life has turned into.  But, then I just repeat to myself that I have to just keep moving forward.  I also have realized that letting myself think about it too much isn't good for me.  I can't really change anything so I just deal with it.  

I also realize that getting upset at my landlord is just self indulgent.  She is a single mom who is trying to pay her bills.  Her ex doesn't give her a dime so she needs the rent money to pay her bills.  She was as patient with me as she could be, and I think she realizes that I am being honest about the promise to pay her back all the money I owe her, which is $1,200.  Which I have every intention of doing as soon as I get settled again. 

After work today I went to local mall and went to 10 more stores to see if they were hiring.  Only one gave me an application to fill out.  Which is more than I usually get.  As I mentioned I live in a big metropolitan area so there are many malls around here.  I also just spent the last hour going through the classified and sent out 8 resumes.  My phone is paid for through the middle of May so I hope that I find something before I have to come up with the money to keep my phone service going.  If I lose that I don't know even know how I would find a job.  No one ever hires you right away anymore, if that ever happened. 

I am going to try and get some sleep.  I have some plans to go to another mall tomorrow.  I also am going to talk to someone at my local church to see if they have an ideas for me. 

Have a good night.

Friday, April 15, 2011

How it Began

My life has spiraled completely out of control to the point that I will be homeless in 16 days.  I have looked and looked for a full time job and cannot find one.  I have do have a job, but it is part-time and pay minimum wage plus commission.  The problem is that I am selling furniture from a major department store.  Furniture is not something that people have a great deal of extra money to spend on at the moment.  I am lucky if I make $200 per week.  It isn't something that you can live on. 

I used to have a very good job, but the crash of the economy took care of that.  I was in marketing.  That is always the first department to go and the last to be hired back.  I don't expect things to pick up in that for at least another year. 

I have been preparing myself for this four about five months now.  When a friend asked me what I wanted for Christmas I said a gym membership.  She went all out and gave me a one year membership.  This will be where I shower.  I also know that compared to many other homeless I am very lucky indeed.  I have not only a computer, but a car as well.  I have sold pretty much everything else I have of value and what little else I have managed to hold onto I will move into a storage.  I was lucky to find a place that had very small storage areas as I don't need much space. 

I have made this sound like this is new, but I have been staving off being homeless for almost two years now.  But, when I first lost my job and had to move out of my very nice apartment I put all my stuff into storage and moved into a room I rented.  But my money didn't last that long and I ended up forfeiting everything that was put in there.  So I don't have much left. 

I have had to learn in the past few years that you can go without.  I don't have many friends in this area as I moved here to be with my ex boyfriend, but that relationship fell apart shortly after me moving here.  Now I don't have enough money to get back east where I grew up.  I am not sure how that would even help me at this point as I don't really have much family to speak of.  Only a brother that I have not spoken to in ten years.  A long sad story of how just because you are family, doesn't mean you get along. 

I have convinced myself that this is a learning experience and I am trying to look at as an adventure.  As I said I have had time to mentally prepare myself for this so I have figured out different things that I can do.  I live in a major urban area so there are diners that are open all night.  I figure I can go in there and get a cup of tea at night and read.  I will stay until I get really dirty looks.  I also figure I can park my car in a light parking lot of a McDonald's that has a 24 hour drive through.  I am thinking I will be relatively safe there.  I also know that on my days off I can spend time at the local bookstores and libraries for temperature controlled safe areas that I can doze off if need be. 

The biggest issue is going to be that because gas is getting so damn expensive I have be careful about how much driving around I can do.  I am going to keep things in my car for washing up and change of clothes.  As I said I don't have much so it should fit in my car comfortably.

I am trying to avoid panhandling as I really can't stand it.  Although I know that I have been generous to street people that I have seen.  There was once this homeless guy that I saw every morning on my way to work many years ago, and I would always bring him my leftovers.  His name was Andre.  He explained to me that he fell on hard times due to drugs.  I never gave him money, but I always made sure he had some decent food.  I was doing very well at the time; had a good job and was madly in love.  I always said there but for the grace of God go I.  Now, I guess God has decided that I have some lessons to learn and has decided in his wisdom that it is my turn. 

I am hoping that I survive this without it turning into anger at God or anyone else for that matter.  Because I am going to be on the outside looking in. 

I will be putting up a paypal account and if you could find it in your heart to help me, I would greatly appreciate it.  I am not doing this for that purpose solely.  I am hoping that I can educate people on the fact that it truly is luck and grace that it doesn't happen to you.  I am a conservative person in almost all ways, especially politically.  I don't like having to depend on handouts, so I am only looking for a hand up until I can get settled again. 

I will try and post as often as I can.  I am at the mercy of using public wifi soon, but I have been amazed at how many offer it now.  This will be my homeless diary.  I am hoping that it won't last too long.