Saturday, December 31, 2011


I am feeling very sad today.  I am on the verge of tears.  I was fine last weekend.  Isn't it strange that I am more upset on New Year than Christmas?  I guess I keep thinking I should be at a party tonight like I normally have done in the past.  Isolation is one of the hardest parts of being homeless.  I have caught myself talking to myself on a few occasions, I guess just out of loneliness.

I have decided to go to the movies tonight.  It is the cheapest alternative that I have.  I will wander from theater to theater I guess until it is time for me to go to sleep.  I will have heat and a bathroom which is what I really need.  I have not gone to a movie in quite some time.  It isn't something that I feel is a useful way to use my very limited funds.  But I will make an exception for the weekend.  I may have to do that tomorrow too, but I will see about that.  I can't really go sit in a restaurant tonight since it is a busy night and they won't want some homeless person taking a up table when my bill would be quite small.

There isn't anything that really interests me playing.  I guess I will see New Year's Eve and some movie I never heard of called Young Adult.

I have found a place that will be open early in the morning tomorrow so I will sleep near there to have a bathroom in the morning.  The weather is really nice, unseasonably warm for January.  That comes to a very abrupt end on Monday, but for the next two nights I will sleep just fine. I just looked at the weather report again, Tuesday is going to be awful.  It won't get above freezing all day.  That is a problem because like today, the car is being warmed up by the sun right now.  It gets quite warm in there during the day, so it holds some of the heat.  I guess I could be wrong about that, but I have found that to be true, or maybe it is all in my head.  Either way, tonight will be easy to sleep in.

I just don't have the money for a hotel on Tuesday and Wednesday nights, so off to the shelter I must go.  As I have said many times, the shelters are awful.  They are full of people who are substance abusers and mentally ill, so I don't feel safe there.  Not so much in a physical sense, but I can't afford to have my things stolen.  I don't have that much, so I have to hold unto what I have.  I can handle the temperatures down to the upper 20's.  I can keep myself warm enough to fall asleep and stay asleep for about four hours or so.  But once it gets colder than that I just can't keep myself warm enough to stay asleep for very long.  I had thought about getting a down blanket, but I can't afford that.  I stopped in some outdoor clothing store and asked about hiking in low temperatures and they showed my clothing that they said would keep you insulated to about zero degrees.  The stuff was really, really, and I mean really expensive.  Not something that I can spend my limited funds on especially when you consider what would I use them for when this over?  Which, if I stay on target, will be shortly.  Not days, maybe not even weeks, but it should be less than two months as long as nothing else happens that causes me to spend money I hadn't planned for.  My original goal was for this to be only six months, but my more realistic goal of one year should be reachable.

Happy New Year to you and your families.

Friday, December 30, 2011


I thought I had things worked out for where I could go for New Year's Eve and New Year's Day, but that didn't end up working out.  Now I have no place to go and everything will be closing early.  This won't be fun.  I won't even be able to get to a shelter because I have to work on tomorrow and when I work it is too late to get into the shelter.  So I am going to on my own.  I am hoping I can at least go to a movie.  I have never gone to a movie on New Year's before, I am not even sure they are running movies.  I know that they do on Thanksgiving.  I will have to check that.

Also it is going to be very cold Monday and Tuesday nights.  Down in the mid teens.  But I can get to a shelter on those two nights so I will be ok for that.  Tonight is going to be great sleeping weather, not even below freezing.  So I will sleep well.  I didn't sleep well at all on Wednesday night because I was too chilly.  I wasn't really cold, but chilly.  I am not sure if that makes sense.  But I kept waking up.  I looked like the walking dead on Thursday.  But I did sleep well Thursday night.

I was thinking I would stay in a hotel this weekend, but I just didn't have a big enough paycheck to afford it.  It really was a joke.  The lowest paycheck I have gotten in about a year.  Only $220 for two weeks.  I had to pay my storage bill, put more money on bus card, and keep money for my phone bill which is due before I get paid again.  That pretty much took everything that I have.  I do have some cash, but not much.  But I will be ok on food.  I can go to the place that serves food to the homeless next week.  I don't go all the time because it is not close by for me, but when I am short I take advantage of it.  I am working a few extra days this week and next so that helps with food too.  I can use the microwave for soup and spaghetti o's.  I have this feeling that I will never want to see either of those foods ever again once this over.  But it has kept me fed.  I also have enough clean clothes to last for a while, so that will be good too.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011


It is cold and rainy today.  Not something that is good for me when it comes to sleeping.  But it could be worse, it could be snow.  From what I can see from the weather reports the warmer nights have come to an end.  It will be getting very cold this week.  Great!  I guess the shelter is in my future this week.  A few nights it is going to be in the low 20's and that I can't really handle.  Especially since the hours for stores and things have gone back to normal now that Christmas is over.

I really hate the shelters.  But I am going to see which church they are using for operation hypothermia this week and maybe that work better for me.  Either way, I will need to find a warmer place to stay at least two nights this week.  Tomorrow night being one of them.

I won't have much money for at least two weeks because my next paycheck is going to be something to laugh at not live on.  I am not sure it will cover my monthly expenses.  Which means I have to dip into my stash.  Which I hate doing because that just prolongs my homelessness.  But what else can I do?

This is my life, so there is no point getting myself all worked up over it.  But I really can't wait for this to be over with.  I have had a enough.  I get emails from people saying how strong I am and things like that.  I don't see that.  I am just surviving and dealing with the options that I have.

I have enough food so that is good news.  I will take that this week.

Saturday, December 24, 2011


Well, I survived Christmas Eve.  I had a good night.  I was invited to someones house to celebrate with their family.  It was fun, but a little sad for me.  Sad, because it wasn't my family that I was with, but fun because there were little kids there and they had so much fun.

I have always opened gifts on Christmas morning, but they do it on Christmas Eve.  We went to a church program with a live nativity scene, had a big dinner and then opened gifts.  I was a little surprised about how they do the gifts.  I guess I expected to see tons of presents for the kids, but they do only three gifts each.  She told me that was what Jesus got so she doesn't see the need to give her kids more than that.  I never would have thought of that myself, but it is a good point.  They also don't exchange gifts between adults she says Christmas is about a birth of a baby, and it should be about the children.  We also watched the Sound of Music while the kids played with their new toys.

There was some not really good fish that smelled.  I don't feel bad saying that because I was warned that it was smelly, but she says it is not Christmas without it.  I tried it, but I didn't really like it very much.  The sauce was good, but the fish was not really my cup of tea.  The little girl ate it up though, which I found to be funny.

I am going to sleep good tonight and I guess I will nap most of tomorrow.  I don't get to sleep in a bed too often so I want to take advantage of it.  I was given some leftovers for tomorrow so I don't have to spend any more money on groceries so that helps me out.

I am grateful that I have a place to stay tonight and tomorrow night.   All and all I can't complain.  I miss my Aunt, but I talked to her earlier and she is having a good day and they have activities planned for them tomorrow.  So she is in good hands.  I don't have to worry about her being alone.  I know she worries about me as much as I worry about her.  It has been hard on me to hide this from her, but I know it is the right thing, because she isn't in a position to help me and it will just make her sick with worry if she understood the situation.  So this is best.

I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas.

I also want to say a very deeply felt thank you for those that found it in their hearts to help me out and to those who sent me special wishes for Christmas.  Your generosity has humbled me.  I really am going to be short for the next few weeks because of the time of year and not making much money this month.  This will help me make sure I can pay my bills and have food until my next paycheck in January.   I can hardly keep my eyes open so I am going to get some sleep.

Thursday, December 22, 2011


The weather has been kind to me.  It was very warm last night for late December.  I was able to sleep in just socks so my feet could get some much needed airing out.  Like I said I have issues with my skin because of my feet getting so sweaty when it is cold out.  So I am grateful for that.  They feel much better today.  The skin is very gross looking.  I have mentioned before I have a strange fascination with sportscenter (one of the things that I miss most about no TV) and my feet look like an athletes foot that you see being attended to by a trainer.  Not very pretty.

I can't say that I got enough sleep though.  I have been very anxious lately.  The closer it gets to me being out of this the more nervous I am getting.  I am almost over the biggest hurdle I have been facing.  I have not gone into the details of that but it has been my biggest stumbling block and I am close to getting it taken care of.  Once that is done I do think everything else will fall into place within a month or so.

I should feel this sense of relief but I don't.  Well, I do, but I guess all these doubts are creeping in.  I think I may be trying to protect myself in case something else goes wrong and I am not able to find a housing situation early next year.  I have thought it would be over before now, so I guess I am bracing myself for the additional disappointment I will feel if this continues.

But I am trying to make some decisions.  Stupid things like do I buy a bed before I find a place to live or do I just sleep on the floor until I can really afford one?  I did it before, with enough blankets on the floor it is not so bad.  I sold my bed as a way to raise money and not end up homeless, but I just didn't have enough things to sell.  But it did keep my rent paid for a time so it helped.  I can get an air mattress for the time being, but they are not cheap either.

It is my nature to plan, but this experience has taught me that sometimes you just have to go with the flow.  So I am not sure if thinking about these things is a good idea or not.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011


Well that was a waste of my time and money on my bus pass.  I was told that these people would be willing to help me.  They were not.  I am no longer surprised by the responses I get.  Go to a shelter here, go to a food bank there.  Here is some cereal.  Band-aids, not help.

I have known from the beginning that ultimately I was the only one that was going to get myself out of this.  But I didn't realize exactly how true those words were.

Oh well.  No time to feel bad, just have to move on and figure out a solution.

I am really hungry today, but my budget is tight so I am going to have make due on fruit for the rest of the day.  I had a good breakfast, but I ate earlier than I usually do.  So now I am very hungry.  I work tomorrow, so I can make some things in the microwave.  I wonder if any notices that I eat three meals there on the days that I work?  I also work until late so that helps me.

Wow, it was great sleeping weather last night.  I got to sleep without shoes!!!  You have no idea what it is like to always have to have a full set of clothes on 24 hours a day.  It is one of the things that you never think about.  You can't take your bra off.  When it is cold you have to have shoes and socks on all the time.  You are always wearing a coat and usually a hat.  Which is another reason why it is so important for the homeless to wash up every day.  Your clothes are always on you so your body oils are always getting on them.  I change clothes everyday, or at least try to.  Sometimes I just can't, but I do try.  I don't always get to do laundry as often as I should.  But I change the clothes closest to my skin daily.  I am really glad that I hung onto many of my summer shirts.  They have really come in handy.  I wear those as my under layer.

Monday, December 19, 2011


Bad news and even more bad news.

My boss told me that they may be cutting hours again if business doesn't pick up.  Which of course means I would be out of job.  The one positive in that would be that I guess I could collect unemployment if I lose my job all together.  But since I don't have an address that may mean I can't.

I thought my car was in a safe place and come to find out it really isn't.  So I am going to have to find another solution and do it soon.  I have a few names of people that I think I can talk to and will have to do that tomorrow.  It is too late in the day for me try and talk to them now.  The place is not in a good neighborhood and I am not very familiar so I would prefer to do it during daylight hours since I have to walk.  I hope that they can come up with another solution for me.  I shouldn't really complain, I have been safe in this location for a while now.  But the place that I have to contact is very far from my job and will be much more difficult for me to get back and forth to work if they let me stay there or at least let me keep my car there.

The one good bit of good news is that it will be somewhat warmer for the rest of the week so I should be able to sleep just fine.

I saved up my money to stay in a hotel Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.  Which is wonderful.  The problem is that I just looked at the weather reports and Monday and Tuesday night are due to be much colder.  I can't  afford to stay more than two nights, so that won't be fun.  But there is nothing that I can do about it.

Another piece of good news is that I should have two good sales at work this week.  I need to keep my fingers crossed because last week was one of the worst weeks I have had in a long time.  So my next paycheck is not going to be good.  I wanted to be able to stay somewhere on New Year's Eve and New Year's Day since so many things will be closed and I have no place to use a bathroom.  But I don't think that is going to be possible.  Even that fleabag motel place is out my reach right now.

I am in need of a Christmas Angel.  Hey, I can dream right?

Sunday, December 18, 2011


Early this morning I was woken up by the police.  Luckily for me it wasn't me that they were talking to.  It was that homeless woman I talked about yesterday.

They told her that she could either leave or they would arrest her for trespassing.  She chose to leave instead.  It is too bad they didn't come early in the night when it was much colder and they could have brought her to a shelter.

I was really scared that I was next.  But if they noticed me at all, they just left me alone.  I would think that someone complained that she was there.  There are people in and out of that building at all hours, day and night. That is why I never go over there.  I can see it, but I don't go on the property for any reason.  I always figured I was asking for trouble by going over there.

You see people are only sympathetic to the homeless that they don't see.  Just imagine if a homeless person set up camp near your home.  You wouldn't like it, would you?  You would wonder if they were dangerous or were they going to steal from you.  It is a reasonable thing to think.  Obviously they are broke.

The really strangest thing was that someone dropped her off there in the middle of the night.  Isn't that strange to you?  She found a stranger (I assume anyway, since she has asked me for rides) to drop her off in the middle of the night.  I suppose it is nice that they did it, since she carries around a great deal of stuff.  But you just drop off a homeless woman alone in an empty parking lot in the middle of night and drive off back to your life?

I only started her seeing her on a regular basis in the past couple of weeks.  I had seen her once before on the bus months ago, but going to the opposite direction of where she was this morning.  I am thinking she finds a warm and safe place to stay during the day and then just sleeps somewhere near there.  People complain then she just finds the next place to go to.

Which is a little of what I have done, but I move around just because of this reason.  I have found that people won't say too much if you are not there on a daily basis.  If they see you once a week or once a month they will leave you alone.  Except for the person who called the police this morning.  Or maybe she has been there many times and I don't know about it.  Which of course is possible.

I won't be staying in the same place tonight.  Better safe than sorry.  I was given a phone number for a lawyer who will help with homeless people and their rights.  Yes, there are such people.  I should call them and ask if they had the right to threaten to arrest her today.  But, it isn't really my business, so maybe I should just mind my own.

Like I said, I am very short on money this month with this being our slowest month of the year at work, so there is nothing that I can do to help her.  I don't have an extra fleece lined hat or another pair of boots.  I keep almost everything of any value and what I don't use in my storage locker so I don't have to worry about it being stolen.

Well, say a little prayer for that woman tonight that she has a safe place to sleep.  They don't seem to want her around here.  She is much more obviously homeless than I am.  A major sin.  If you are going to be homeless, do your best not to look it.  Once people know you are homeless, you are basically human trash. I put my make up on everyday, I always have on clean clothes, and I wash my body everyday.  So I am presentable to the world.

Saturday, December 17, 2011


I think I have mentioned another woman who I have been seeing very regularly lately.  She must be schizophrenic, she spends most of her time talking to herself.  Anyway - I ran into her last night and she asked me for some money.  I don't even have enough money for myself this month, so there is no way I can give any to her.

I watched her pull all of her belongings into this entrance way and go to sleep for the evening.  It was cold last night.  Not really cold, but still cold.  Her coat isn't that warm, her hat and gloves are just knits, not even fleece lined, and her blanket looks really old.  I felt so bad for her.  She was still there when I woke up this morning too.  She is just like that vet guy I see often.  He won't take his medication, so he will never improve his life.

I have to keep telling myself on my down days that I am very lucky to have a car to sleep in.  It doesn't run well, but it at least gives me some protection.  I have warm clothes and boots.  I have a fleeced line hat.  My gloves are flimsy, but they will do.  I don't have to constantly ask complete strangers for money just so I can eat.

I also realize that this isn't going to be the rest of my life.  I sometimes feel that way, but it is just stress and anxiety that makes me feel that way.

I have almost no more money for the rest of the month, but I have some food stored up that I can eat at work and I am spending the night in a hotel on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.  I saved my money up for that.  I will have a place to use the rest room, I will have a warm bed, a hot shower, and place to fix a small meal for myself.  I am truly blessed compared to this woman.

So if I am feeling down on Christmas Day, I am going to remember that.

Thursday, December 15, 2011


It is a warm day for mid December.  How thankful I am.  I will sleep well tonight.  It is going to be cold this weekend though.  Mid twenties both Saturday and Sunday nights.  That will not be a good sleeping weather.  On Monday I can go to the library and take a nap.  But Sunday's are hard.  My options of places to go are very limited.  It is slightly better because of Christmas, stores are staying open later.

Today was my last day of being able to shower whenever I want.  My gym membership ended and I don't have the money to renew it.  So this is going to become a problem.  I have not quite figured out how I am going to solve it.  The places to shower at the shelter are nasty, and I mean nasty.  I will have to deal with that on a day to day basis.  This is one of the things that I am not going to completely stress myself out about because I can't change it.  I have realized that one of the reasons I was not sleeping well was due to stress.  When I don't sleep well it just makes everything else harder.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011


It has been very cold for the past few nights.  I was going to stay in a shelter, but I thought I would see how I did before I put myself through that.  I was ok the first night.  I slept well as a matter of fact.  The second night not so much.  But, I will tell you the boots that I was given have been a godsend.  They really do keep my feet warm.  While they are still a little cold when I wake up they are not like blocks of ice they would have been had I had on my sneakers.  I should have put on one more layer on top and I think I would have been fine.

This is the last night in the twenties for a few days so I will be ok.  One night this week is supposed to be in the mid forties so that will be good.  I can deal with that easily.

I just really hate the shelters so I avoid them if at all possible.  I do have some good news, I have gotten a place to go to the bathroom easily in the mornings now.  So that is very helpful.  I was trying to avoid fluids past 9:30 so I wouldn't have to go so badly first thing in the morning.

I am still not faring well with internet access, but that is something that I will just learn to live without.  I have learned to live without many things for the past two years, so this is just one more.  I keep telling myself that this is almost over, and I can start to get my life back to some normalcy.  I am not sure what normal means for me anymore though.

I can't imagine that I will be the same person I was before this downward spiral started.  I hope that I have become more compassionate.  Not that I think that I wasn't before, but I did concentrate on my own life and didn't really pay attention to the rest of the world.  I hope that is something I won't revert back to.  I also hope that this diary of sorts has helped other people too.

I am not so sure that I have given much practical advice to others who are in a similar situation or feeling like it could happen to them if their finances don't improve soon.  The most practical advice I can give is to realize that not many people are going to help you, and be willing to accept it when it does come along.

I think admitting that you can't do it on your own is hard thing that becomes a barrier for people. You need to put your pride aside and accept it when people offer to help.  If someone wants to give you food, take it.  You may not know when it will come again.  If someone wants to help out with rent money, accept it.   But don't become bitter if that help is not forthcoming.

You can keep yourself clean when you are homeless, so do it.  You will feel better when your clothes and your body is clean.  It may not mean a full shower, but you can wash yourself in restrooms with soap.  Brush your teeth a few times a day too.  The last thing you need is to get a cavity or something.

Most importantly, realize that you are not alone.  When you take a look around you will find many other homeless too.  In a strange sort of way that will give you comfort.  It helps you feel less like a failure.

In the winter, wear plenty of layers.  Wear two or three lightweight shirts under a heavier sweater or sweatshirt, it really does help keep you warmer.  So does wearing sweatpants over your pants when you are trying to sleep.  That little extra will give you the warmth you need to fall asleep.  Once you are asleep, you will get heat from your body.

I did see that vet again.  He seems like a very nice man.  I dont' have any extra food this week, so I hope that he has been eating.  I usually give him my extra.  I have not seen that lady with the cleaning fetish in a long time.  I hope she is ok.  But a few other homeless have drifted into my sphere.  They all seem to have mental health problems.  I guess the medications must be pretty bad to them if they are homeless instead of taking their pills.  One of the women is pretty bold.  She just goes right up to people and tells them she is homeless and hungry or needs a ride.  She manages to get food that way.  I don't do that.  But I guess that is just not my personality.  So more power to her that she can be bold like that I guess.

But the happiest thing I can report is that I have not seen creepy guy in quite some time.  I am hoping that I never have to see him again.  My plan is for this be to over in about 6-10 weeks.  Here is hoping that I never run into him again.

Sunday, December 11, 2011


I have been trying to find out if the kids that were shot by their mom in the welfare office are doing better, but I can't find any info.  I am not going to try and defend what this woman did, she must have had some serious problems that go beyond not having money for food.

But, I will say that I do understand how it feels to think that your options are very limited.  I know that some people will think I did this to myself.  In some ways may be they are right, but only to a degree.  I may have been able to stave it off a little longer than I did, but it would have happened at some point in any event.  I should have rented my home sooner.  But, that would have only given a few more months in rent money.  It wouldn't have solved my problems.

I am lucky in the respect that it is just me.  I can make do with little food for a few days or even a week if I have to.  I have found things that fill me up, even if artificially.  Apples and a glass of water will make you feel full.  It won't last all day, but it will help you if you are feeling very hungry.  You can buy an apple for about $1 and find a water fountain, so it will cost you next to nothing.  But you can't do that everyday without feeling very weak over a period of time.  Eventually you will need something more.

As I said, it is just me.  But for people who have to look at their children who are hungry, it must be a gut wrenching experience as a parent.  I don't have kids so I don't know.  But I would imagine the guilt you would feel for not being able to feed your children must be overwhelming.

The one thing that I know for sure is that government is not really set up to help people get out of their situation.  All they do is keep you in it.  They give you band-aids instead of the care that you really need to help get yourself out of it.  I don't even make the attempt to contact any government offices anymore, it is just banging my head on the wall and all I end up with is a headache.

This woman seems to be a special case in the fact that she didn't do what was necessary and then reacted by hurting her own children.  I read somewhere once that there is some sort of mental illness that when you can no longer care for your family the way you feel you should be you kill them.  Luckily it is very rare.  I just hope that those kids get the help that they need.  They will need a great deal of love and understanding to deal with the aftermath of being shot by their own mother.  I hope that they have other family to be sent to.  Foster care is not always a good thing.  You don't always end up with good people who want to help you.

Friday, December 9, 2011


I don't know if you remember but I had said previously that for the homeless feet are really important.  Well, this experience is really showing on my feet.  I have all kinds of blisters and my skin looks awful.  Most of it is because of them being sweaty so much of the time.  You are stuck between your feet being cold or being hot.  When it is cold you need to wear layers to stay warm, but you can't always find the sweet spot of being warm and being too hot.  When it was summer I could easily put lotion on them, but that is much harder now that I have all these layers on.

Tonight for instance is going to be right around the freezing mark so I need to have several layers on to sleep comfortably.  I slept fine last night and the temperature was about the same, but I had on tights and socks with a pair of lined boots.  Had I not done that I would have been cold.  I have tried sleeping in my sneakers in this weather and my feet feel like blocks of ice when I wake up.

My skin is also very dry, because with all the layers it is next to impossible to put lotion on in the evenings before I sleep.  So I get itchy because of the lack of moisture.

Just one more thing to look forward to when this is finally over.  Sleeping without socks with feet and legs that have just been doused in lotion.

Thursday, December 8, 2011


I am really tired.  I didn't sleep well last night at all.  It was not so much the cold, but the wind.  I am not exactly sure why it kept me awake, but it did.  I was able to take a nap this afternoon for a few hours, but I am still really feeling tired.

Tonight is due to be colder than last night, but it is not nearly as windy.  So I am hoping that I can get myself warm enough to sleep and stay asleep for at least six hours.

I am also feeling very hungry, but I just don't have much in the way of extra money for the next week or so, and budgeting my food costs is vital for me this week.  The days I work are fine, I can use the microwave.  But the days I don't is when it gets difficult.

I also can't take naps on the days I work.  So it is important for me to get as much sleep as I can the night before.  Especially since work is kind of slow right now, and it gets boring just standing around.  Which I guess I don't do much else other times either, but at least I can read or something.

My gym membership expires next week and I don't have enough to extend it, so I am losing my free place to shower.  There is that sink I can use, but it will difficult with the cold weather.  It was no big deal in the summer time.

I am just hoping that this is going to be over soon.  It has been a real emotional drag on me and it is showing.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011


The weather has been delightful this week.  Warm enough that I don't even need a coat to sleep.  That will be becoming to an abrupt end later this week.  It is supposed to go down to the low twenties by the weekend.  I don't know how long it is going to last.  I keep hoping for a El Nino winter.  Or is it El Nina?  Whichever it is, I hope to have as much of that this winter as possible.

I will have to go the shelter again this weekend.  I will try Thursday night and see how that goes.  If it is too cold to sleep, I will go to the shelter for the balance of the weekend.  My car is safe where it is, so that is big relief.  It just isn't close to internet access or to a bathroom that is easy to get to first thing in the mornings.  I have stopped having any fluids after 9:30 so I don't have to go so badly when I wake up.  For some strange reason I still have to go when I wake up.  I don't understand it.  I have no fluids and go at least twice before going to sleep and I still have to go.  Where are these fluids coming from?  Maybe this explains my recent weight gain.  I must be retaining a great deal of water.  I don't understand why.  I try to eat as well as I can under the circumstances.  I eat some vegetables at least once a week.  I eat fiber every day, and I get as much protein as I can.  Maybe I am eating too much bread.  But the bread is filling so it helps me.

I have started looking at roommate rental listings to see how much they are.  I am hoping that I will have enough saved up by February to get a place and be able to pay three months in rent saved up.  If nothing else goes wrong, I just may make it.  But I have to remember how little money I make this month at my job.  It is the slowest month of the year for me.  But I am not going to move somewhere until I know that I have some cushion and will be able to pay the rent for three months.  That will give me the time to figure out how to make it work moving forward.  I don't want to end up in the same position again.  This is going to be one time only experience.

Sunday, December 4, 2011


Sorry I have not posted in a while.  I don't have as much access to the internet at the moment.  So, it has been harder for me to post.  Things are going about the same.  Some nights are really cold, but there is still some warm nights too.  Well, not warm, but not really cold either.  With the proper clothing and my blankets I am fine.  The other night I was colder than I needed to be.  I didn't put on a turtle neck and I should have.  The problem is I hate wearing high collars, really hate it.  I feel like it is chocking me.  But, I need to keep my skin covered in order to stay warm.

I also have problems with my feet getting sweaty.  If I don't wear heavy socks and sleep with shoes on, I am cold.  If I do sleep with them on my feet get sweaty and then they stink.  Since taking a shower everyday isn't always possible it is dilemma.  But, I have to go with being warm.

This is a very slow time at work right now.  You work longer hours because of extra hours for shopping season, but people concentrate more on buying for others, not for themselves.  It picks up again the day after Christmas, but it is very slow most of December.  My sales this week weren't horrible, but they were not great either.  But, I have some stash so I will be alright for the rest of the month.  I am going to need to stay in a hotel Christmas Eve and Christmas Day so I have a place to use a bathroom.  But, I looked online and they are somewhat affordable.  If I can't find a nice one, I can stay in the flee bag place.

It is going to somewhat warm tonight and even warmer tomorrow night, so I should get some good sleep.  I have enough food to last me for a the rest of the week, so that is good too.

Well I am going to get to sleep early, since I should be warm enough.  I did stay in a shelter the other night, and I really do hate it, but it was too cold.  So I am going to take advantage of the weather.

Have a good night all.