Thursday

The weather has been kind to me.  It was very warm last night for late December.  I was able to sleep in just socks so my feet could get some much needed airing out.  Like I said I have issues with my skin because of my feet getting so sweaty when it is cold out.  So I am grateful for that.  They feel much better today.  The skin is very gross looking.  I have mentioned before I have a strange fascination with sportscenter (one of the things that I miss most about no TV) and my feet look like an athletes foot that you see being attended to by a trainer.  Not very pretty.

I can't say that I got enough sleep though.  I have been very anxious lately.  The closer it gets to me being out of this the more nervous I am getting.  I am almost over the biggest hurdle I have been facing.  I have not gone into the details of that but it has been my biggest stumbling block and I am close to getting it taken care of.  Once that is done I do think everything else will fall into place within a month or so.

I should feel this sense of relief but I don't.  Well, I do, but I guess all these doubts are creeping in.  I think I may be trying to protect myself in case something else goes wrong and I am not able to find a housing situation early next year.  I have thought it would be over before now, so I guess I am bracing myself for the additional disappointment I will feel if this continues.

But I am trying to make some decisions.  Stupid things like do I buy a bed before I find a place to live or do I just sleep on the floor until I can really afford one?  I did it before, with enough blankets on the floor it is not so bad.  I sold my bed as a way to raise money and not end up homeless, but I just didn't have enough things to sell.  But it did keep my rent paid for a time so it helped.  I can get an air mattress for the time being, but they are not cheap either.

It is my nature to plan, but this experience has taught me that sometimes you just have to go with the flow.  So I am not sure if thinking about these things is a good idea or not.