Saturday, May 26, 2012


Well I lost my job, today will be my last day.  I knew it was coming.  But at least I will be able to collect unemployment.  I am not sure how much I will get, but it will be something.  I had several good weeks recently so that may jump up the amount that I get.

In a way it is kind of a blessing.  The job is pretty far from where I sleep so I was spending a great deal of money getting there.  This way I don't have to spend money on gas if I don't need to.

Also I was having a very difficult time finding a part time job or another retail position because of the conflict of interest that retailers seem to have with each other.  So this will release me from that issue.

I am down about it, but there is nothing that I can do and to be quite honest I was making so little money anyway.  The business is just not there.

I do have a second interview with a company not this coming week but the following week.  Maybe this is a sign or something.  I am not sure I believe in signs, but I can hope that this is just a foreshadowing of better things down the road.

I have not slept very well since they told me.  I also do dread having no where to go ever.  The days are long when you are homeless.  There is only so many places that you can go when you don't have much money.  Your options are very limited.

We will see what happens.  I hope all is well with all of you.

Thursday, May 17, 2012


Not much has been happening so I have not really had much to say.  The job search seems to be moving more smoothly, so that is good news.

I am getting enough to eat, so that is also good news.

I still don't sleep all that well, but that is par for the course.  I have not slept all that well since this started.  I try to make sure at least one day per week I can take a nap during the day.  It is not always possible, but I try.

Work is slow and slower.  It has some good moments, but generally speaking the business is just dying.  The gas prices seem lower.  But I would think that is going to change any day now with summer coming.  We will have to wait and see.

Gas prices are big part of the money people spend on extras.  When the prices rise, the willingness or ability to spend money on things that can wait slows down.  So, I am anxiously waiting to see what is going to happen with this.

Friday, May 11, 2012


Sorry I have been gone so long.  I have had a very productive week.  I have had several job interviews and I met with a social worker that has real experience dealing with the homeless.  This is one of the first people who fully understands what I am going through, but more important she has been able to give me leads on the resources that are available to me.  This is a maze and you keep bumping into walls trying to find your way out.

She did tell me that I have depression.  You know I am thinking that is a positive sign.  Wouldn't it be odd that I did not?  To me I think that would mean that I have accepted being homeless and it would become my life.  I am still fighting being homeless.

I also have a lead on church that will help finish up my car repairs.  I still have several things that need to be taken care of so it is drivable for more than just very short distances.

So as I said, I have had a good week.  One of the best that I have had in long time.  The down side is that it was really bad at work and the next paycheck will be joke.  But I am dealing with that the best that I can.

I am a little behind on some bills, but I am doing the best that I can.

The yeast infection has not cleared up completely.  It is better, I don't have the stinging anymore, but I am still itchy and uncomfortable.  So I was able to get another round of the anti-fungal so I am hoping within the next day or so it will clear itself up.

I am not sleeping all that great, but I have gotten used to that the best that I can.

I heard from someone that is about to become homeless.  Here is best advice I can give you:

Get a can opener.  You will need it.

Have talc/baby powder/cornstarch.  Keeping your feet warm and dry is vital.

I have really fought the shelters.  I don't like them.  But, they are necessary for you.  They will help  you with medical problems among other things.  Make sure that at least one of them knows who you are.  They are also a resource if you need clothes.

You will need bug spray, toothpaste, toothbrush, and get small containers to put your hair washing supplies in.

I have found having a small container of soap for your hands is also a good idea.  Using all different types of soaps on your hands can be rough.  It is better if you try to have your own supply.

If you can possibly afford a storage unit, get one.  The more obviously homeless you are the more difficult your life will be.  They don't want you at malls or restaurants.  The police will hassle you more.  Carry as little as possible with you and stay as clean as possible, and change you clothes as often as you can if you are unable to do it daily.  There is no reason to be dirty.

Most states have a 2-1-1 service.  Use it.  They can get you the info for shelters in your area, the clinics that can meet your medical needs, they can find you a pro bono dentist for minor things.

Try and find the drop in centers in your area.  They can help you with laundry and showers.  Some offer mental health services too.  They will help with specific needs financially, such as adding minutes to a pay as you go phone.  They won't give you money, but they will add minutes if you need them.

If you are picking and choosing which bills to pay, make sure one of them is your phone bill.  You must have a phone.  Even if it is just one that gets you to 9-1-1.  The streets are dangerous.  Some of the homeless are severely mentally ill.  But you will find the biggest hassles comes from the non homeless people.  You will be looked at like human trash by many.  I have met several others who have been beaten up and robbed.  Be aware of your surroundings all the time.  Keep track of the street names so you know where you are if you need to call the police.

Keep yourself as clean as possible.  It is easy enough to do if you put the effort in.

There are plenty of places that will help you with food.  Most are only open several days a week, but once you get it down, you should be able to find a meal most days.  Sunday's are hardest.  You will not be able to find three meals a day, but you should be able to find at least one a day.

Talk to the churches.  Many won't help, but some will.

Avoid using public restrooms at a gas station if at all possible.  They are the least likely to be clean. They are also the most likely to ban you from using them.

Get used to being cold.  You won't be able to shake unless it is very hot out.  Even then you will find the air conditioning will make you cold.

Figure out where the libraries are.  They are a good resource for you.  Internet access, clean restrooms, and most of the time if you fall asleep they won't say much.

Figure out where the grocery stores that have a microwave for you to use are.  You can eat much more cheaply that way.

Always carry with you something to keep you dry in case it rains.  Once your stuff gets wet, it takes days for it to dry.

Always carry with you at least one small bag.  You will find that need them for a variety of things.

Keep your money in the safest possible place.  Inside your sock, the deepest part of your bag.  Don't bring out your cash unless you really need it.

Clean up after yourself always.  People will figure out that you are homeless eventually.  They will be much more tolerant of you if you are clean.

Move around.  Don't sleep in the same place all the time if you are sleeping in your car.  You are far less likely to be hassled.  And the police will hassle you.

Remember, you are poor.  That does not mean that you have given up your constitutional rights.  It is not illegal to sleep in your car.  They have no right to force you to show ID if you are parked on private property.  Unless the owner called them, they can't even ask you to leave.  They can and they will if you are on public property.  Learn the difference.

When you sleep, program your phone to call 9-1-1 with one touch.  It will make you feel safer.

Believe it or not, you really don't need toilet paper, unless you are going to the camping route.  If you go the camping route, you will find other homeless that you can join, you will be safer.  At least in this area there are many of them.  More than anyone wants to admit to.

Your skin will get very dry.  Try to get lotion.

There are lawyers that will help you protect your rights.  They work for free for you.  I am not sure how they make an income or they just do it on the side.  But they won't charge.  Find the phone numbers of at least one and program it into your phone in case of an emergency.

The most important thing I can say is that you still have human dignity.  Don't forget that.  The shame and the guilt is normal.  But even then, don't lose your dignity.  You dont' have to break the law to survive.  You are still a human being, even when others don't treat you all that well.  Tell yourself screw them.  Remember, you are able to survive a difficult time.  That is something to take some pride in.  But learn the difference between pride and dignity.  Dignity will always help you, pride sometimes will get in the way.

Good luck to you.

Saturday, May 5, 2012


I was wrong, I don't have a bladder infection.  It is one of the girlie things.  I have never had one before so I guess that is why I didn't realize that what it was.  I also have my period, so life is uncomfortable for me to say the least.  I do have to say that today is the first day that I have felt better in more than a week.  I still am a little uncomfortable, but not as much as I have been over the past week or so.  The irritation was very annoying.  I was under the false impression that yeast infections came about from sex.  I can say with 100% certainty that is not the cause of mine.

I did meet with a very nice man the other day and he gave me some real help that will lead to better things for me.  He is the first one to really address the needs that I have. So I am very grateful.  My only regret is that I had not made it to him sooner than this.  But as I have said many times this is a big giant circle and breaking free of the circle is not easy.  Finding the right church to talk to is hard.  It is a crap shoot.  It is like the gerbil on that stupid ball.  They run and run, but never arrive anywhere.  That is how I have felt.  I feel like I have a better destination now.

I was able to get a shower, which always makes you feel better.  There is dignity in being clean, warm, and fed.  They seem like such basic things, but for people like me they are not.  Which is part of the reason that getting out of being homeless isn't as easy as one would think that it is.  You spend your time obsessing about the next meal, clean clothes, and sleeping more than just a few hours at a time.  How all encompassing that is can be difficult for a person who hasn't experienced to understand.

I ran into another woman I thought had gotten back on her feet, but apparently has not.  I haven't seen her in so long that I just thought, well good for her, she has a housing situation.  But, I guess not.  I also got to see my vet friend the other day too.  He seems like a nice man, but he thinks that the government is trying to poison him so he won't take his medication for his delusions.  He will spend a lifetime in this cycle.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012


Here is the latest outrage.  I stopped in this church/social services place that I saw while going by on the bus a few times.  I figured what could it hurt.  I have a bladder infection and I need some medicine.  I was looking for a name of a doctor I could go see.  Someone else paid the last time I went doctor for my feet.

I walk into this place and they have this big handmade poster on the wall that says everyone deserves a home.  I also noticed all these different items laying around that people would need, like bedding and stuff.  I am thinking to myself, oh everyone deserves a home.  Great, right?

It seems that only goes for illegal aliens.  That is all they help.  Refugees they called them.  They told me to walk up the street to a church and they should be able to help me.  So I do.  They tell me that they have no money.  I told the woman I was looking for money, I was looking for a doctor who can give me something so I can't stop going to the bathroom every ten minutes and stinging like crazy when I do.  She said they can't help me.  I asked do they have names of doctors for illegals?  I didn't wait for a response.

Since I have not really stayed in the shelters except when the weather is really bad they can't give me a recommendation, without that recommendation the waiting list is 8 months.  Can you die from bladder infections?  I don't know, but if you can I would think I would be dead before 8 months hits.

Unbelievable.  Like I said, the government spends all this money to "help" the homeless, but it does nothing to address the real needs of people like me.  All the money goes into a black hole.  Government at its finest.