Wednesday, June 29, 2011


Well I have to work today.  Even though it is long day just standing around waiting for the off chance that someone may come buy something, I like it.  It gives me something to do and makes me feel useful.  The days that I don't work are long and boring.  It is very hard to fill 24 hours.  I only sleep maybe five or six so 18 hours is a great deal of time. 

I have some observations about what I have witnessed over the past several months. 

I would love to understand why men pull into a parking lot of an open restaurant and still go to bathroom outside.  Makes no sense to me, but it may be a guy thing.

It is amazing to realize how much food people waste.  I see people throwing out half eaten sandwiches and the like all the time.  Not that I am garbage can digging or anything, but there are days that I am pretty hungry and I see these people throwing things away like that.  Such a waste. 

Why do smokers throw away half a cigarette?  They are very expensive. 

Since I spend all of my time out in public I have noticed that kids are getting really bratty.  I don't remember a time when my dad would have allowed me to pitch a fit like that in public.  If he said no, he meant it.  We didn't push him. 

When did reading a bible in public become so taboo?  I get really strange looks, like I am killing someone or something.  Very strange. 

Also, I want to say that I am very proud of myself for keeping my values and morals.  I found an envelope yesterday from the bank that had $500 cash in it, and I turned it in to security.  It did cross my mind to keep it, but someone worked hard for that money, and who knows maybe that would make the difference of them ending up like me.  I couldn't have lived with myself had I kept it. 

I have some money saving tips that I can give you.  Things that I have found over the past year or so that have helped me stretch my money further. 

Don't buy stain remover.  Get a small container of baking soda and mix it water to form a paste.  It works much better and is much cheaper.  It will also help whiten your teeth. 

Highway driving really does require air conditioning.  The drag from keeping the windows actually costs you more gas than if you just turn on the air conditioner. 

Even if your skin is very dry, it is not evenly as dry.  Figure out which parts really need to the more expensive lotions and use the cheaper stuff on the rest of your body.  It will cost more at first, but over time you will see that save money. 

Don't use coupons unless you really were going to buy the item anyway.  Most coupons are for things you don't normally buy, so you are spending more money than you are saving.

Don't shop at places like Costco for paper and cleaning items if you are really broke.  Most of your money is sitting in closet instead of being used on things you can be using today and need more.

Beans and rice is very filling.  You can add chicken or sausage to it to add more protein. 

Raman noodles may be cheap but they are not very filling.  Spend that money on a can of something else that will fill you for a longer period of time. 

Don't drink while your eating.  It makes you full faster, but since it is artifical, you will get hungry again sooner.   Drink once you finish eating. 

Enjoy your day!

Tuesday, June 28, 2011


Wow, I have "followers".  I am not exactly sure what that means as I didn't read blogs all that often before and it never would occur to me to write one before this.  I checked my pal account and some people have opened their hearts to me and sent me some much needed cash.  I am so touched, you have no idea.  I can't thank you enough for your generosity.  I have learned to really stretch my money, so this seems like a fortune to me. 

This takes a great deal of stress off of me.  I know that I will have gas and food this week, so I can concentrate fully on looking for work.  Thanks to you so much.  I will repay this one day.  Maybe not to you directly, but I will pass it along to someone else in trouble.  That is a promise that I have made to myself.  I will do what I can to help others in need when this is over. 

I was getting really worried about not being able to pay my storage bill.  I had this happen once already and don't want to lose everything a second time.  This time it is much less stuff, none of which is really valuable but it is all I have left. 

I went to game night at that lady's house last night.  It was an experience.  I can't quite figure out her family dynamic.  The little boy there doesn't seem to like me.  The only thing he said to me was goodbye and he wouldn't look at me when he said.  He talks, but just not to me.  When I tried to talk to him he would look away.  I don't know a lot about kids so maybe he is shy around strangers.  She told me he would probably talk to me when he saw me next time.  I was thinking to myself there is going to be a next time?  Don't get me wrong, I am not ungrateful.  I guess I don't understand why she is going out of her way to help me.  The little boy is pretty funny though.  He cheats at candyland.  I was wondering if she just didn't notice or was just letting him get away with it.  When he did it the second time she asked him what cheating was.  He said unacceptable.  Then she asked him why he did it if was unacceptable?  He didn't answer.  She told him that he couldn't have any dessert if that was how he would behave and would have to go to bed early. It almost seems like a game they play with each other.  They seem very close. 

My mom died when I was very young and my father died when I was in high school.  I spent my last two years of high school in foster care.  I was lucky, I had very good people taking care of me.  They were very nice to me and took in both my brother and I.  My brother went into a totally different direction.  He didn't take the death well and got into a lot of trouble and from what I last heard it hasn't changed much for him.  Which is a shame.  I used the money my dad left me to go to college, he used his for drugs.  We stopped talking a while ago.  He wouldn't listen to me about throwing his life away and I just didn't want to watch it. 

Today, I am picking up my dress from the dry cleaners for my interview on Thursday.  I am so thrilled about it.  Actually wearing a nice looking professional dress.  It has been a while since I was able to afford to bring some clothes to the dry cleaner.  So this is almost like an occasion for me.  The little things in life. 

But again, thank you so much to the people who helped me out.  You are blessings to me. 

Monday, June 27, 2011


Today was a good day.  One of the better ones I have had in a while. 

I had mentioned that some things are easier and harder than I thought.  I will start with the easier.

Sleeping in my car is much easier than I thought it would be.  The first week or so was hard, but once I got used to it, I have been fine.  Now I go right to sleep. 

Not losing weight.  I was really afraid I was going to lose a great deal of weight and looking horribly skinny.  But I have actually gained weight.  It never occurred to me that all the crappy food I have been eating would cause me to gain weight. 

Getting exercise.  I get even more now than before. 

The loneliness has eased. 

What has been much harder:

Admitting that I need help.  That has been very difficult for me.  I have a hard time accepting the fact that I am now dependent on getting outside intervention. 

Believe it or not, sleeping in the back seat of my car is much harder.  I feel less safe back there.  If something were to happen I am afraid that I wouldn't be able to get the car started to get away.  Even though I would be more comfortable, I sleep in the front. 

I sleep in a parking lot of a restaurant that never closes.  So I have access to a bathroom.  That is very important.  There also is another man who sleeps there as well.  He seems to be in the same set of circumstances as I am.  We have never talked to one another.  He must have a job away from his home because he is never there on weekends.  Just during the week.  Or maybe he just goes someplace else on weekends.  I don't know.  But him being there also makes me feel more safe. 

I actually have gotten over being scared at night.  Which is a huge surprise to me, but true.  At the same time this scares me because I am getting comfortable with my circumstances.  Not something that I want to happen.  As long as I am uncomfortable the more likely I am to do something about it. Not to say that I am not, but I don't want to get to a point that this becomes my normal. 

I have been very surprised at people who realize that I am homeless and just walk away. I get looks of sympathy sometimes.  I don't know what to expect, but this has surprised me.  I guess there is no good way to handle this situation for me or for them. 

Sunday, June 26, 2011


I have been gone a while now.  I was feeling very depressed and basically useless.  I was crying a great deal and the last thing I wanted to do was write about it.  But, I got myself out of the funk and have been trying to get my life back together. 

I am still making virtually no money at my job, but I do have a job interview later this week.  It is a good company and I was able to get a dress dry cleaned.  Or at least I will tomorrow.  So I am trying to prepare myself for that and stay positive. 

Also I met this lady yesterday.  She said that she has seen me before from some of the meetings I have been going to lately.  I didn't really know who she was, she looked a little familiar but not really.  Apparently she is really politically active.  She doesn't seem to be afraid of much either.  She came right up to me and introduced herself.  She had a kid with her and it totally freaked me out.  I try to stay away from people with kids, they don't understand the way the real world works and sometimes make parents feel bad about being weary. 

I have to be very grateful to her.  She is the reason I am writing this tonight.  She told me that I would like this blog somewhere down the road.  I am not planning on looking back on this with fondness, but I guess anytime I get down in the future I can remember this and realize things are not so bad. 

She helped find me a temp job, gave me some food, washed my clothes, and brought me a hot meal.  I am telling you I am still drooling over the chicken she gave me.  I have not had a meal like that in a really long time.  She found  me again today and brought her pastor with her.  They told me that I could work at their church for three weeks starting a week from Monday.  I will have to take time off from my other job, but I won't make as much money so I don't care.  I will still be able to work on the weekends which is when most of the sales happen anyway. 

This has gone a long way to help keep me positive.  There are moments I feel like I am drowning and can no longer see land.  I just get really tired and feel like giving up.  The experience of this is different than I thought it would be.  Much better in some ways and much worse in others. 

I have found a place to sleep that I feel safe at.  The shelters are just no good.  The one sort of nice one won't take me because I have a car.  They said they need to help the neediest first.  The other one I went to was too dangerous to me.  I couldn't sleep, so what was the point? 

The woman I met insisted that I go to her house tomorrow, they have pizza and game night every Monday.  I don't feel right about it.  But she told me she would come find me if I didn't show up, and I have this feeling she is as good as her word.  She told me it is on her porch and is very casual. 

I will write more in the next few days. 

Have a good night.