Monday

I am so tired today.  I am not sure why.  But I can barely keep my eyes open.  It is hard when I feel like this.  There is no place to take a nap.  So I have just keep myself awake until it is time to go to sleep.  I also can't go to sleep to early either, or I wake up too early and then have no where to go.  This is one of the many annoying things about my situation. 

I have had more conversations with groups that are supposed to help the homeless.  But it is the same old story.  They give you a different phone number to call, or tell you that they have names and addresses of shelters.  But again, no real help to get you out of homelessness.  Just more ways to survive your circumstances. 

This is probably another reason that so many stay homeless.  The fact that you can't find someone to help just makes you feel so hopeless that you just acclimate it becomes your permanent way of life.  I had read somewhere that once someone is homeless for more than six months, it becomes highly unlikely they will get out of it.  I don't remember the exact percentage.  But I am already passed that threshold.  So the likelihood is that I will remain this way.  That is weighing on me.  I am starting to feel very desperate again.  The way I did when this first happened.  I really don't know who to turn to. 

I have figured out that calling these numbers is useless.  You just leave messages that never get returned.  I have start showing up and keep showing up until someone talks to me.  I have to become pushy, even though that has made me uncomfortable in the past.  I am normally a more passive person who doesn't like rocking the boat all that much.  But, that is something that I must change if I truly want to get out of this. 

I am lucky because of the Indian summer type weather we are having.  It should be very seasonably warm at night until Friday.  Then it is going into the 40's.  That is chilly, but bearable with the right clothes.  Two pairs of socks, my mid weight coat, and three blankets and I will be toasty warm as long as no skin is showing.  It is when you expose bare skin that you get cold.  My nose will be a little cold, but outside of that I will be OK.  That is the coldest it has been since this has happened to me.  No, wait it was 39 one of my first nights in the car.  And, I didn't have the right supplies so I was very cold.  But, back then I was sleeping more than three hours a night.  I spent most of time driving around.  That was before I realized how much money I wasted in that gas that way. 

I have gotten better at this whole thing.  One of the women I spoke to on the phone today said that you learn to cope and it sounds like that is what I have done.  I guess I have.  I am not sure if that is good thing or not, though.  The more acclimated you become to something the less likely you are to change it, right?  I would think so. 

I also found out something strange.  For that project hypothermia I mentioned before, they don't heat the churches.  How exactly is that different than sleeping in my car?  I am thinking at least with my car, I can turn the heat on if I get really cold.  Obviously I can't run the car all night, but I can warm myself up, or get to an all night restaurant.  I guess when you don't have a car, it is better than nothing.  But, it seems very strange to me. 

Have a good night all.