Thursday, July 14, 2011


Last night I got a message from one my "brunch" friends that I had mentioned earlier.  I like her.  She and I have always hit it off and had things in common, so I called her back during lunch.  One of the things we had common was that we were still with our college sweethearts.  Obviously that isn't the case with me anymore, but she got engaged last weekend.  She called to invite me to an engagement party.  I told her to text me the details.  I will have to make up some excuse as I will not have the money to buy a gift. 

She was telling me about the ring.  Apparently they are going out shopping tonight because the ring her got her really wasn't "suitable".  Suitable for what?  She told me it was a round diamond in a white gold setting.  I guess she doesn't like it, so they need to go find something else.  First, I didn't realize you could return engagement rings.  Second, if this is the ring he put on her finger when he proposed doesn't that make it something really special?  I would think so. 

She told me she wanted something with a little more bling.  So I asked how big the stone was and she told me it was slightly over a carat.  Seems to me that is some bling.  But I guess she wanted a setting that also contains some stones.  She told me something with a few rubies would be nice. 

I realized after this conversation that I am never going to be the same after this experience.  Not that I have ever been really impressed by jewelery or a lot of money, but I was so taken aback by what she was telling me that I had to make an excuse to get off the phone.  I was worried that I would say something that would insult her.  I wasn't bothered by the fact that she was telling me about a diamond ring while I am homeless, because she has no way of knowing that.  I was bothered by the fact that ring seemed to be more important than the marriage. 

I was with my college boyfriend for a long time.  I really did think that we would get married and live happily ever after.  But, it didn't work out that way.  I am not sorry that our relationship ended.  I have had enough time to get over it and realized it was for the best.  We were not right for another. 

I can't ever imagine a time in my life moving forward that I will say to someone who just asked me to spend our lives together that I want more bling.  Do marriages that start out that way work out? 

I don't think four years ago I would have thought twice about her wanting a bigger ring.  It wouldn't be my choice of how to handle that big question, but I realize now that through this experience I have really figured out what matters and what doesn't.  Bling doesn't matter. 

I want a place to live that is clean and safe and a job that pays a livable wage.  She wants rubies.  I don't think we have anything in common anymore.


  1. H&C-- You are definitely not alone in this.. I am a partner in an online magazine that tailors to high-end items like clothes, watches, automobiles, etc.

    The last few years I've noticed it creeping in here and there, but over the past six months I've found that I can barely muster any interest in the thing at all. My partner loves living life like this (I think he also likes having a lot of debt as well) but I'm way more concerned with stability and simplicity.

    Could I go back? Probably not.. and I really wouldn't have it any other way.

  2. Hello again! Yeah when you're going through the experiences that you have endured to this point, it sort of changes your image of things-I call it growing pangs, but then at my age I reserve the right to call it that-lol! But I've also found out that in the end, relationships and forgiveness are essential, it kind of nurtures the character organ and demands an occasional reality adjustment...
    I would like to invite you to peruse my blog page. You inspired me to get one started because there is so much that needs to be brought to the attention of folks at large. And having been laid off for 2 weeks causing me to go stir crazy, it is one of the things I got into after following your blog-so thanks for the inspiration! Have a good one and take care!