Monday - Part 2

I would think that some of you are wondering why I don't ask family for help.  I wish that I could, but it isn't possible.  Both of my parents were dead before I finished high school.  My mom was gone when I was 7 and my dad followed 9 years later.  My dad was an only child and older when he met and married my mom.  His only family is an aunt of his.  I will call her Aunt Bessie.  I picked that because it sounds soothing.  She is soothing.  When my dad was killed she wanted to take us, but due to her age and health issues the state felt it was best that she didn't and they put us into foster care.  Bessie is the sweetest woman I know.  I love her dearly. 

I have a twin brother.  He is nothing but trouble.  It wasn't always that way, but he just couldn't cope after we lost our dad, they were very close.  He got involved with meth and has never looked back.  He is in and out of jail and rehab.  But somehow he just keeps going back to his addiction.  He cannot or will not get that monkey off his back.  Bessie blames herself.  She shouldn't.  He makes his own choices and  he never fails to make the wrong ones.  But, somehow he always lands on his feet to cheat and lie to Bessie another day.  Bless her heart, she can't say no to him.  But I learned that lesson quite a while ago.  If he would make a real effort to improve his life I would do anything to help him, but he hasn't hit bottom yet I guess.  So I don't speak to him. 

That is why Bessie has no idea of what is going on with me.  She knows that I lost my job and I am working in a furniture store.  But she has no idea how bad my finances are.  I don't have the heart to tell her, because I know she can't help me.  She lives in assisted living now and lives on her pension and social security.  She doesn't have any extra.  If I tell her she will just worry about me and I can't do that to her, she has been through enough over the years. 

My mom came from a good sized family.  My mom was born into a conservative Jewish family that is very old fashioned.  Her wanting to go to college became a big deal in her family.  Her parents didn't see the reason for a woman to get an education.  She was to marry a nice Jewish boy and raise nice Jewish children according to her parents.  Well, my mom had other ideas.  She went away to college and met my dad.  An older professor who wasn't Jewish.  When my mom told her family that she was going to marry my dad, they turned her back on her.  They never spoke to her again.  It wasn't so much that my dad was older it was more that he was a Christian and my mom was going to convert to Christianity and raise her children as Christians.  That was something that they couldn't get over. I have never met them.  They didn't come to mom's funeral and when they were contacted about my dad's death and the fact that we needed guardians for two years they said no. I have since read the file and they said that since we were strangers anyway it would be best to keep us in the same state so we didn't have so much radical change. A likely story as far as I am concerned.  I have no desire to meet them.  I do hold a grudge.  I don't remember my mom perfectly, but I remember enough to know that she loved her family very much.  She was a great mom while we had her.  She had a great laugh and an amazing smile.  I remember sitting in bed with her when she was sick and her making jokes. 

So that is my family as it is. 

As for friends, my really close friends all live back east.  None of which have much money.  Most are married now and some have kids.  They live paycheck to paycheck so I can't ask them as it would be too much of a burden on them.  There isn't much work there so going back wouldn't be the best of ideas.  I considered it, but realized I am more likely to find a job here.  I have (or had) some friends here.  But they were the kind of friends you met up with to have a cocktail or go to brunch or some other event.  We give each other a peck on the cheek, gossip for an hour or two and then go back to our own lives.  It suited me fine at the time.  I was always either working or hanging with my ex boyfriend so it worked for me then.  They are not the type of people I can call when I am trouble.  The reason I believe this is because when I started having a real problem with finances and couldn't make brunch anymore not one of them ever offered to pay for me or anything like that.  So things just faded away.  I ran into one of them a few months back and it was a strange experience.  She did ask if I found a full time job yet and when I said no, she just changed the subject.  There was no real interest in how I was doing.  So,  there is no way I feel comfortable in asking them for assistance.  To be honest, if you had put this scenario to me four years ago, I am not sure I would have done all that much to help either. 

On to my ex.  We will call him Dickie.  I met Dickie in college.  We both went to school in Boston.  We were at different schools and met at a party that I attended on his campus.  I wanted to stay in the Boston area.  I wanted to be close to Bessie.  But, he was offered a job here and we moved down here.  I found a job pretty quickly then.  I honestly didn't think it was that great of a job at the time, but I wanted to do well.  I had initially thought I would stay for two years and then look for something better.  Dickie was supposed to have the "dream" job.  He was going to rise to the top.  Well, it turns out to be exactly opposite of what happened.  I got promoted three times in four years and was making a very good salary.  Dickie was pretty much stuck in the same position.  After my second promotion, things between Dickie and I became very strained.  I am not saying that my success was the only reason that we broke up, but it was part of it.  He couldn't handle me doing better than he did.  Especially after I bought our apartment.  We rented it for the first year and then I bought it on my own.  I still had some of the money left over from my dad.  I didn't need his help to get the mortgage.  He started paying rent to me.  He moved out very shortly thereafter.  He and I still can't have a conversation that lasts more than five minutes that doesn't turn into an argument.  He is living with someone else now, so asking him for some aid is out of the question. 

So, that leaves me to my own devices.  While this may sound strange, I think that I have done a good job.  I am not in any danger of losing my apartment.  It is safely rented and it pays for itself.  I have been able to keep a good credit rating through this.  I am proud of that.  I was told that if I wait another six months or so I should be able to sell for at least what I owe and maybe make a small profit.  Right now, I am underwater and selling would be a mistake at this time.  But the housing market here is improving, slowly, but improving all the same.  I am hoping that I can put it on the market in January.  I was thinking of putting it on the market now and just not accepting any offers until it paid the mortgage off, but two realtors told me that it doesn't work that way, and it will be harder to sell when the market does improve.  Since I really don't know that much about realty I will take their word for it and wait until January.  I am hoping that I will have job by then so that it won't be necessary, but if not, that will be my option.