Tuesday

I had a pretty good night's sleep.  That is always a good thing.  It helps me throughout the day.  My problem now has become that it isn't quite as cold out so I am running into the issue that I get hot at some point in the night and kick off my blankets.  Then of course it gets colder and it wakes me up and I can't always get back to sleep.  So I have to figure out what are the proper layers for this new temperature range.  I guess I should try just two layers on top with my coat unzipped and then maybe I will keep my blankets on.

I think I won't be needing my boots anymore.  Which is good news since they are really the thing that caused all those skin issues with my feet.  They are pretty much gone at this point.  I still have one little area on my toe that the skin is a little strange but outside of that they are fine.

Another issue that I have is that my head is getting very itchy.  I guess I am not washing my hair enough.  Yesterday being a good example.  I tried to do it in the morning, but too many people were around for me to get it done.  I found a bathroom stall that has a sink with a faucet high enough that I can stick my head underneath it, but that restroom is very busy.  So I have to do it in the mornings before too many people are around.  I guess I could care less and do it anyway, but I don't like drawing attention to myself.  I am not breaking any laws that I know of (but with the way things are going, I probably am) but I still don't want the people here to call security.  If I get kicked out of this place I really have very other options of where to spend my time that are safe and have heat.  I ended up doing it later in the evening, but then I had to go to sleep with wet hair.  Nor really that big of deal since I can just braid it, but it gets cold to sleep with wet hair when you have no heat.

Another very bad week at work.  People are just not buying much furniture at this point.  It is going to get worse with these high gas prices.  That is the time that can be pinpointed that the sales really started to drop.  When the prices shot up a few years back.  That was the turning point for me and the beginning of this whole affair for me.

I realize that it is better than nothing at all but it is not a livable wage.  Everyone else I work with is married so they have another income to help them out.  But I am thinking that people are going to start looking for other employment.  Most of them have had a long time with the company and have some sort of pension plan that they want to qualify for and have stayed put for that reason.  One is only one year away, so I can't imagine she will leave.  It doesn't make sense for her to.  She will lose so much in the long run.  I don't know how long the others are away.  I never really paid much attention to the pension plan anyway since I didn't plan on staying that long.  I no longer qualify for it since I only work part-time now in any event.  I am vested with my 401(k) but I stopped putting money into it a while ago.  I figure I needed the money more now then decades from now.  I withdrew as much as they allowed me to when I got rid of my car loan and bought a lesser expensive car.  I lost money on that transaction but I don't have that monthly payment so I thought I would come out ahead of the game.  I realize now that buying an expensive car is stupid.  But I guess that was just my age and wanting to have something nice.  I can't imagine I will do that again.  I am finding out buying an inexpensive used car isn't such a grand idea either, but a new less expensive model is where I think I would go in the future.

I contacted some people about doing that tutoring for the citizenship test and I have not heard back yet.  I am hoping that will help keep my mind active and help pass the time.

I have a job interview early next week.  I have to do some research on the company so I have some good questions to ask.  I don't even know if that is true, but everyone tells you must do that to get the job.  So I do it.

I need to go to Walmart today or tomorrow.  I am out of some supplies.  I need toothpaste, talc, and deodorant.  I guess I should buy some different shampoo to help with my dry scalp.  But I think that may be more money than I need to spend right now.  I have plenty from when I used to be a Costco member so I don't like spending money on things when I don't need to.

Have a good day all.

Saturday

I went to a movie last night to quell some of the boredom.  I went to see The Vow.  For some strange reason I thought it was going to have some comedy in it.  While it did have a small amount, it was really a drama.  It was OK.  Not something that was really worth the price of ticket.  I also stayed to watch Safe Room.  That was a good movie.  Many twists and turns.  More violence than necessary, but most action movies do.

When this is over and I am back on my feet, I am going to buy some movie tickets online and not go to make up for the double dipping I have done.  It was very windy last night, much colder than expected.  So having a warm place to stay last night was a good move.  I didn't expect it to be as cold as it was when I left the movies.  I was not dressed well for the walk I had back to my car.  But I lived.

It was snowing when I woke up this morning.  That I didn't expect.  It seems that a cold front has arrived and I am not prepared for it.  I have layers on now so I will fine for today and tonight.  It is going to much colder tonight then it has been in quite some time.  I don't want to spend the money on a hotel so I guess I will go to the shelter if I need to.  I will decide that later.  But it is really only tonight.  The rest of the week should be fine.

I am looking into doing some tutoring for people who are getting ready to take the citizenship test.  I helped someone when I was in college so I am thinking I should do it again.  I got paid for it the last time I did it.  But that was a different state.  This just may be a volunteer thing here.  Either way, it will keep me occupied and I could always use the extra money.  I had fun doing it before.  I took a few government classes in college.  I think I can brush up on it in a short period of time.

Tuesday

Sometimes people send me emails asking me questions.  The most recent asked me why I don't post everyday if I have nothing to do.  The reason I don't is that I feel like I repeat myself all the time.  Not much happens in my life so I don't really have a great deal to say.

How many times can I write how tired I am?  I think I write that in every post.  People must be sick of reading it.   So that would be the reason that I don't post everyday. I would bore you to tears.

I keep track of the weather reports and I look at a ten day forecast every day.  How insane is that I am all excited because it is going to be 45 overnight later this week?  I am mean how many of you think that sleeping without heat in 45 degree weather is something to look forward to?

Not only that, to me that means that I can sleep without socks and shoes on.  If anyone told me a year ago that I would be sleeping without anything on my feet at that temperature I would have thought them to be insane.  But here we are.

I read a very troubling article this morning.  Unemployment is showing signs of ticking up again.  See I was hoping that since the February numbers were good that it wasn't just the holiday season that made the numbers go down.  I wonder if they will use that "shrinkage" again to make the numbers sound better than what they are.  I wouldn't put it past this dumb ass president to do that.  I honestly don't blame him for my problems, but what I do think is that he has not done enough to help.  Especially when you consider he would prefer to pretend that people like me don't exist.

I don't use drugs.  I don't drink very much.  I am not mentally ill.  I have a job.  I shouldn't be homeless yet I am.  He doesn't want to acknowledge that I exist.  But alas, I do.

Sunday

I am feeling very down tonight.  I am not sure why.  I feel like I need to lie down and cry for a few hours.  Of course, I can't really do that, but I get this feeling it may make me feel better to get it out. 

I have been having bad stress headaches lately.  I can tell that they are stress induced because of where the pain is.  Stress related headaches are very predictable in location.  I am not someone who is prone to headaches, so it is pretty obvious why I have it. 

I seem to go through phases where emotionally I do fine and then I feel like I am falling apart a short time later.  I would think it is normal under my current set of circumstances.  I am low on food supplies, I don't have much money without dipping into my savings.  My paychecks are not something that I can remotely live on.  Once I pay all my bills I don't have much left.  My car insurance payments increased, my taxes increased, my storage unit increased, my phone bill remained the same, but I have few minutes and less options.  I don't use the phone all that much so it won't really effect me.  I should consider myself lucky that they didn't increase the costs.  I have the least expensive phone coverage you can have.  I only pay $26 per month. 

I was able to wash my hair yesterday so that made me feel better.  I have not taken a full shower in a week, but I have cleaned myself daily.  I have a great deal of clean clothes.  Which is a relief because I don't have much money to spend doing laundry.  It isn't much, I can do a great deal with $6.50, but that is less money I have for food.  It all adds up. 

My stress is coming from having to use money from my savings.  The more I use from the savings the longer this will continue.  I try as hard as I can to spend as little as I can.  I eat inexpensive foods most of the time.  I do try and eat one good meal every week with a full array of foods to get protein and the vitamins I need.  I ran out of vitamin supplements a few months back and I have decided not to spend the money on them. 

I am getting prepared to spend money on allergy medication.  Ever since moving down here I get spring time allergies.  I guess I am still not used to the different trees and things compared to where I grew up.  That stuff is very expensive.  Even if you get the store brand.  In the past I have to take it for two months.  With it being a warm winter we are going to have an early spring I would think.  At least in terms of flowers. 

I just want my life back. 

Saturday

Work is just getting worse and worse.  One day earlier this week only $2000 was sold for the entire day and there were $900 in cancellations.  There is little point in staying at all.  I can feel free to get another part time job and not worry about being forced to quit this one in order to accept it. 

I can't imagine that they will keep the furniture section for all that much longer if these sales keep up this way.  You keep hearing things that the economy is showing signs of improvement.  Well, not from where I stand. 

I am down to very little money and not much hope of more coming in anytime soon.  But, I have been through this before and got through it and I will get through it again.  I try hard to stay positive.  Some days that is easier than others.  I didn't sell much at all today.  It was dismal, to be honest.  One of the two weeks for the pay period was OK,  the other week was awful.  I lost almost half my sales to cancellations, and one return due to damages.  The customer decided not to re-order and wanted their money back.  Not that I blame them, but it sure hurts me. 

This is a holiday weekend, too.  It should have been busy.  No such luck.  I think I should be fine because the forecast has the temperature higher than it did a few days back. 

It is too early to try and sleep, but I sure am tired. 

Wednesday

I am feeling very tired today.  I slept well last night, so I am not sure why.  I guess it is the same old story about the lack of stimulation.  I have said many times this is the hardest part of being homeless.  They have what they call drop in centers for the homeless during the daytime hours.  At first I didn't understand why.  Now I know this is the reason.  The loneliness is very damaging over time.  I would think that you would also start to lose the ability to communicate with others over time.  I am lucky in the respect that I have to deal with people when I am at work. 

But you have to imagine when people know that you are homeless, they really don't speak to you anymore.  So even places that I go to regularly the people don't speak to me unless they have to.  This just leads to more feelings of isolation.

Oh, some good news.  The person who helped me months ago get to my storage space found a job!!!  Good for her.  It doesn't pay all that great, but it will help her get back on her feet.  It only pays $11 per hour, not a great wage.  But, if she is careful with her money she will be able to find a small room to rent and be OK.  I had not realized that she was so much older than I am.  She was telling me that she was getting to the point that she would have to file for early social security.  She didn't want to do that because it lessens the amount you get monthly.  Now she can hold off until she qualifies for the higher wage.  I don't know the ages for that kind of thing.  It is pretty far off for me, and lets be honest social security won't be around for people in my age range anyway.  I am on my own.  So I guess I am practicing for that now. 

She also had some serious health issues in December.  They found blood clots all through her legs and one was in her lungs when she was rushed to the hospital.  She was intensive care for a week or so.  She will be on medication for quite a while.  Some sort of blood thinner or something.  You have to remember when you are homeless and sleeping in a car, you are not getting a great deal of exercise and you don't full stretch out when you are sleeping.  She is shorter than I am so it may be a bit easier for her, but I sleep all curled up.  I have noticed that I have leg cramps often.  I walk as much as I can, but I have felt a difference since my gym membership lapsed. 

Well I am next for the job!!!  Soon.  I feel it. 

Monday

I have had no internet access for the past three days.  It has been very cold the past few nights, too cold to sleep in the car.  I didn't even make the attempt.  But the rest of this week should be fine.  The right layers and sleep will come. 

I still have not heard back from either of the two jobs I interviewed for, but I was able to find a few more things to send out a resume to.  So that is good.  Sooner or later something will work itself out. 

In the meantime I am starting to look for another part time job and that will at least tide me over until a better full time position comes along.  Believe it or not, this is proving just as difficult.  People don't like hiring people who just want to supplement another part time position.  I don't fully understand why.  How is it their business what I am doing when I am not at their workplace? 

I went to a job fair earlier in the week.  I am not sure how helpful that will be since much of it was for summer internships.  I can't afford to be a free intern. 

My toe is feeling much better finally.  I have a few nights of wearing no socks so that has helped. 

Wednesday

I have not heard back from either interview that I had last week.  Maybe I am being inpatient, but in my circumstances I can't really be blamed for that. 

Someone is taking me to a job fair later this week.  I am not sure how that will go, but I am not going to turn my nose up, especially since this also involves a free hotel room for three nights.  She is renting the room for herself for and said I could share the room with her.  It is much further to my job, but I don't care.  I will not turn down a good nights sleep. 

Saturday night is supposed to be in the low 20's.  So is Sunday, but at least I will have a place to sleep one of the nights.  A shower, a bed, no bra or socks.  What could be better? 

Work improved a little this week.  I had one busy day.  I will take it since I didn't have any busy days with the previous pay period.  My paycheck is a source of amusement. 

Sunday

The Superbowl is due to start in a few minutes.  I don't have anywhere to go and watch it.  I like watching the commericals.  I also like watching who sings the National Anthem.  I didn't even try and find out who was going to be performing today.  I think I saw somewhere that Madonna is doing the halftime show.  You would think after what happened with Janet Jackson some years back that the last person they would want is Madonna.  She is barely dressed on a good day.  I do remember dancing around to her music when I was in elementary school.  But my parents wouldn't let me dress like her or anything.  I doubt they would have given me a cd of hers either.  But I don't remember. 

It is cold and damp tonight and since it is Sunday and everything closes early that is not fun.  The positive was that they changed the original forecast from an ice storm to just rain.  At least I have that.  I am so tired again today.  But it is just boredom that makes me so tired.  I don't have the money to go anywhere. 

I was thinking that since I have been very good with my money this pay period I may try and find a sports bar to go and watch the game.  But since I fell asleep a while ago I am a little late for that now I guess. 

But I have to go root for the hometeam.  Well, almost hometeam.  My state doesn't have any major professional teams so Boston is as good as it gets.  I guess I should start looking at the teams here now, but I have never taking a liking to them.  Especially the basketball team, they deserve to stink. 

I am hoping to get to sleep early tonight.  I have a busy week coming up.  I have something to do every day this week.  That has not happened for me in a long time.  It really helps when I am occupied, not just to pass the time, but to keep my mind active.

You get used to sleeping in a car.  You get used to the weather elements.  You get used to sponge baths and not great meals.  But you don't get used to the loneliness and isolation. 

Friday

I think this is one of the first times that I left a job interview without any idea of how it went.  It seemed fine.  I did some research on the organization beforehand and my list of questions was at the ready.  The conversation went smoothly.  I made no major faux pas that I am aware of. 

When I left I was given a nice handshake and a smile.  But they didn't say when they would making a decision or you will hear from so and so.  I have no idea if I will hear from them again or not.  It sounds like an interesting position, different than what I am used to, but that is a good thing I think. 

But, on the up side after leaving there I noticed a voicemail and it was an impromptu phone interview.  So, I had two interviews in one week.  I have not had that since I lost my job.  So I am taking that as a good sign that things are starting to turn around in the industry.  Which is a good sign for everyone because advertising departments are almost always the last to be hired back after a recession. 

I sent out three more resumes this week.  So if I hear back from even one I will be happy.  Again this is the most I sent out at one time in quite while.  The positions were just not there, but they are popping up more and more now. 

I still have that issue with my toe.  It doesn't seem to be healing at all.  But it is not getting any worse either.  I have been able to sleep without shoes most of this week.  I even slept without socks the other night.  Although, I will admit I should have had shoes on last night.  My feet were quite cold when I woke up this morning.  All and all I slept pretty well which is nice. 

It is going to be cold on Sunday night with ice.  But I just don't have the extra money for a hotel room so I will go back to the shelter I guess.  I need to be very careful how I spend my money with so much less coming in. 

I need to get to the food bank later this week for some cereal and maybe some fruit or granola bars.  The bars help fill me up when I can't afford to buy a good sized meal.  I also need some peanut butter for the protein.  I don't exactly like peanut butter all that much, especially without some jam, but even with the fat it is healthy for me.

But I do know this is getting closer to being over.  My biggest hurdle is almost behind me.  It is just a matter of waiting for some paperwork at this point.  That makes it easier to get through.  I just need to keep saving as much money as I can so when I find a more reliable source of income I can find a cheap room to rent.  I don't want to sign a long term lease, but that is really the least of my worries at this point.