Thursday

I have really worked myself into a funk.  But I think I cured myself from it because of a man I met last night.  I was minding my own business as I usually do and he started speaking to me.  He asked me what I was doing online, which I didn't think was any of his business.  He then told me he was working on something for a court date.

I said that I didn't know anything about those things since I am not a lawyer.  He told me that he isn't either; he is a bum.  That is a quote.  He told me that he panhandles and the police hassle him and give him tickets.  He didn't smell that I noticed, but his clothes were torn and in bad shape.  But he did a pretty nice computer; much nicer than mine.  It looked relatively new too.

I had half a mind to go off on him, but I didn't.  I didn't want to cause a scene.  But he is the reason that people don't want to help the people like me who are truly looking to rebuild our lives.  He has no intention of being anything other than a panhandler.  He doesn't want to improve his life.  For whatever reason he has decided that this is calling or something.

I shouldn't judge to harshly because I don't know the full story.  He may have a mental illness or something, but he seemed like a normal guy.  You can usually tell about the mentally ill ones pretty much off the bat.  You only need about 5 to 10 minutes and it shows up.  Probably because they don't take any meds and are in full blown whatever it may happen to be for them.

Sad, really sad.  I would never refer to myself as a bum.  I feel like one sometimes.  I currently am feeling like a lowlife loser, but that is just the disappointment of this not being over next week.

So I got back into my routine off looking for jobs online and put my makeup on even when I don't have to go to work.  For some reason that makes me feel more normal.  I have an appointment to speak to a counselor at a charity group tomorrow.  They won't be able to help with all my needs, but I think they can give me some good advice.

I am a little low on cash at the moment because I took that money I saved and paid my bills.  I was getting a little behind while I tried to get the money together to move so I neglected some of my bills.  I have those paid now, so that is one weight off my shoulders.  One less thing for me to stress about.

One of my issues now are these constant swings in the weather.  One day hot, the next day colder.  Very hard for person like me to adjust to that.  I also need to go get my summer clothes.  So that will be a nightmare, but I will figure it out.

I am even thinking of getting a haircut.  I have not had one in so long and it is something that I just can't justify spending money on.  I am always so worried about how much I have.  Obsessed is the better term.