Saturday, April 14, 2012


I got to work earlier than expected.  Mainly because I was woken up earlier than normal today.  Some passersby having an interest in the homeless one.  Gawking is what it really is.

People may think that I am not embarrassed by my life.  I am in ways that I can't possibly express.  I think that people don't get that.  For you to get to the point where you are no longer embarrassed or feel shame you have to had fallen pretty far.

In some ways I give credit to the people who panhandle.  I have done it a few times, out of sheer desperation.  But it is a very difficult thing to do.  If you don't believe me, try it.  Stand up on a local street corner with a sign asking for money.  The fear that someone you know will drive by is almost paralyzing.  The looks of disgust that so many give fills you with shame.  To wash away all those feelings is a hard thing to do.

I guess at some point once you get past it initially it doesn't matter anymore.  I just wonder what it takes to get there.  I am no where near that point.  Going to the churches for help is hard enough.  Talking to people about my situation is also very hard.  I do it.  But I don't like it.

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