I have been gone a while now. I was feeling very depressed and basically useless. I was crying a great deal and the last thing I wanted to do was write about it. But, I got myself out of the funk and have been trying to get my life back together.
I am still making virtually no money at my job, but I do have a job interview later this week. It is a good company and I was able to get a dress dry cleaned. Or at least I will tomorrow. So I am trying to prepare myself for that and stay positive.
Also I met this lady yesterday. She said that she has seen me before from some of the meetings I have been going to lately. I didn't really know who she was, she looked a little familiar but not really. Apparently she is really politically active. She doesn't seem to be afraid of much either. She came right up to me and introduced herself. She had a kid with her and it totally freaked me out. I try to stay away from people with kids, they don't understand the way the real world works and sometimes make parents feel bad about being weary.
I have to be very grateful to her. She is the reason I am writing this tonight. She told me that I would like this blog somewhere down the road. I am not planning on looking back on this with fondness, but I guess anytime I get down in the future I can remember this and realize things are not so bad.
She helped find me a temp job, gave me some food, washed my clothes, and brought me a hot meal. I am telling you I am still drooling over the chicken she gave me. I have not had a meal like that in a really long time. She found me again today and brought her pastor with her. They told me that I could work at their church for three weeks starting a week from Monday. I will have to take time off from my other job, but I won't make as much money so I don't care. I will still be able to work on the weekends which is when most of the sales happen anyway.
This has gone a long way to help keep me positive. There are moments I feel like I am drowning and can no longer see land. I just get really tired and feel like giving up. The experience of this is different than I thought it would be. Much better in some ways and much worse in others.
I have found a place to sleep that I feel safe at. The shelters are just no good. The one sort of nice one won't take me because I have a car. They said they need to help the neediest first. The other one I went to was too dangerous to me. I couldn't sleep, so what was the point?
The woman I met insisted that I go to her house tomorrow, they have pizza and game night every Monday. I don't feel right about it. But she told me she would come find me if I didn't show up, and I have this feeling she is as good as her word. She told me it is on her porch and is very casual.
I will write more in the next few days.
Have a good night.