Today was a good day. One of the better ones I have had in a while.
I had mentioned that some things are easier and harder than I thought. I will start with the easier.
Sleeping in my car is much easier than I thought it would be. The first week or so was hard, but once I got used to it, I have been fine. Now I go right to sleep.
Not losing weight. I was really afraid I was going to lose a great deal of weight and looking horribly skinny. But I have actually gained weight. It never occurred to me that all the crappy food I have been eating would cause me to gain weight.
Getting exercise. I get even more now than before.
The loneliness has eased.
What has been much harder:
Admitting that I need help. That has been very difficult for me. I have a hard time accepting the fact that I am now dependent on getting outside intervention.
Believe it or not, sleeping in the back seat of my car is much harder. I feel less safe back there. If something were to happen I am afraid that I wouldn't be able to get the car started to get away. Even though I would be more comfortable, I sleep in the front.
I sleep in a parking lot of a restaurant that never closes. So I have access to a bathroom. That is very important. There also is another man who sleeps there as well. He seems to be in the same set of circumstances as I am. We have never talked to one another. He must have a job away from his home because he is never there on weekends. Just during the week. Or maybe he just goes someplace else on weekends. I don't know. But him being there also makes me feel more safe.
I actually have gotten over being scared at night. Which is a huge surprise to me, but true. At the same time this scares me because I am getting comfortable with my circumstances. Not something that I want to happen. As long as I am uncomfortable the more likely I am to do something about it. Not to say that I am not, but I don't want to get to a point that this becomes my normal.
I have been very surprised at people who realize that I am homeless and just walk away. I get looks of sympathy sometimes. I don't know what to expect, but this has surprised me. I guess there is no good way to handle this situation for me or for them.